So, What's the plan?

This is the question that has loomed over me. It's diffult to be at a place where we are both so ready to be parents but arn't able to do anything to make it happen. Putting my "plan" in writting is probably more carthitic than anything else, and it helps me to feel like we are headed somewhere. So here is my "plan" in a nutshell:

-In Junevwe will be moving to Fresno for Alex 3rd year of med school, which is hospital rotations. I've been told that the 3rd year is harder than this one, and it will be good to have friends an family around when Alex is spending so much time in the hospital. I will graduate from in May of 20ll with my BA in Ministry and will decided when I get closer to that what is next for my education.

- The 4th year Alex will be doing "away" or "interview" rotations at hospitals that he might want to do his residency at. Since he doesn't know what he wants to specialize in yet (he's mostly interested in surgery), we still have to wait and see what that year holds. He will also have to do a international rotation so he can finish his MPH at the same time as his doctorate. Luckily, he will get 8-12 weeks of vacation, which is when we hope to start the surrogacy process.

It will be interesting to see how that pans out. I have so many ideas of how I want things to happen but realistly

Got a Job

I start my new job this Saturday! I'm going to be a Wilton cake decorating instructor at Joann's. This week is a cookie bouquet class. I'm nervous but I'm also excited. The bay is pretty good, and I'm considered an independent contractor, so its kinda like being self-employed. The great thing is that I can set my own schedule:)

Here's what my first project will look like:



I get to make money doing something I love!

Changes

I haven't posted in awhile because Alex and I have had to make a very difficult decision. We are not going forward with adopting thru our current county. There were several reasons, but the main one is because we will be moving at the end of this school year.

When we started this, we had thought the process would move much faster. We also thought there was a good chance we would end up staying here for at least another year. With this new information, we both realised we we're just spinning our wheels. Since we don't have the money to pursue domestic adoption, it looks like it will be two years before reassess and decided how to start a family. We still really want to do foster adopt, but I'm not sure when exactly that will happen.

Alex starts rotations next year, and we could end up back in Fresno or in Michigan or even New York. We are hoping for Fresno since that's where all our friends and family are. But we are not in control, so we'll have to wait and see.

Anyway, this has been several weeks in coming, and decided to finally post the news. I think I was putting of posting it because it feels so much more final when you put it in a blog. To say this sucks is a huge understatement, but it is what it is. And I do feel that this is the best decision for us right now, even if it is a hard decision.

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?" - Grey's Anatomy

When it rains, it pours!

Get this - our first home study visit is TODAY! It turns out that we both were available this afternoon so at 4pm our home study starts. 24 hours ago I was wishing this would hurry up and now I'm amazed at how fast things are happening.

I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. Today's appointment will be at their office and will only take about an hour. I think its mainly to give us more forms to fill out. I will probably be more nervous as the day goes on.

Oh, and it is literally pouring rain here, and has been since 4am, so at least if I look all frazzled at the appointment I can blame it on being wet :)

Good News!!!!

We got the call from the social worker today!!! They want to get us in this week to start the first visits! Everything else with the county has taken a full month ahead of time to schedule so I'm thrilled to know we can do this so soon. God is so good.

I tried calling our county social worker today but they were closed for Columbus Day so I was going to try again tomorrow, but now I don't have to.

I'M JUST SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!! (can't you just see me dancing around my living room with excitement:)

Blessings

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another." John 1:16

I'm a little embarrassed about my last blog. It seems as though I only get on here to vent about the wait. We really have so many great things going on in our lives. God has truly blessed us. And I don't mean blessings by material things, although I believe everything we have has come from the Lord. It's the intangible things I feel most blessed by- the close relationship we have to our parents and siblings, wonderful friends, the restoration of our marriage, and most importantly God's grace and His sacrifice for me.

I read John 1:16 last night as a part of my Beth Moore study "Beloved Disciple". I highly encourage anyone who can to go through one of her studies because it has been so moving for me. I was feeling down after writing my blog and decided it would be a good time to spend some time in the word. This was the verse of focus for yesterday's study and she went on to explain that original word for "blessing" in the bible is "charis" which is often translated to grace.

Charis means "grace that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness: grace of speech, good will, loving-kindness, favour of the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the Christian virtues"

Isn't that beautiful? God is blessing me by keeping me strengthened.

Charis is a name Alex and I had picked out if we have a daughter. So this verse was inspiring because I felt like the Lord met me where I was at. I don't know if I would have been as into it if she hadn't gone into detail about the word Charis. And I could have read that study another day and not felt the same as I did last night.

I don't need to feel happy, or be optimistic to know that He is walking with me, encouraging me, and pushing me forward. I'm so grateful for a God that meets me where I am.

Patience

I always had to have a plan. Alex is opposite. He is so patient and has no concern over what's ahead. He embraces the fact that God is in control, while I'm always trying to plan our next step. I'm learning that God usually has something different in mind than my plan A or plan B and that my planning is just an allusion of control. I'm not what one would call a control freak, but when it comes to certain things, like this whole adoption process, I tend to want things to go at my speed. This process is going even slower than they said it would and that's when I get all caught up in the "what if's?". What if they lost our paperwork? What if I wrote down the wrong phone number? What if the trainee who did Alex's fingerprinting screwed up? And why do all these questions only come to mind as soon as I try to fall asleep?

It has been two months since we did our fingerprinting and we still haven't heard anything. it doesn't sound like very long but they told us 4 weeks. So we waited and then they said 6. So I decided to wait an extra two weeks without calling because I was sure they were gonna call last week while I was in Fresno. Nope. So I'm going to make calls again tomorrow to politely ask if there is anything else we can do while we wait to hear from the home study agency.

In the meantime I've attended a few parenting and bonding classes, worked on our profile, read up on transracial adoption and children born exposed and addicted to drugs. I'm feeling like I'm on information overload. Not to mention that I'm constantly on Bethany's web forums and Adoption.com reading about other people's adoption experiences.

I'm officially my classes, so I'm doing my online orientation this week and my Foundations for Leadership class starts next week. On top of that I still have two independent study classes I'm working on and I've been leading a small group at church so these this should keep me a little more preoccupied. Hopefully it will make the time go by faster.